Atkins Cupcakes

Atkins is hard.

I love bread.  I love chocolate.  I love stout beer.

Thank God I also love steak, bacon, eggs, ham, chicken, fish, and so forth.

To help sate my sweet tooth, I turned to stevia as my artificial sweetener of choice.

Here's a dessert recipe that turned out quite well!  Makes two cupcakes.

Chocolate cupcakes

Ingredients:
1/8 C Almond Flour
1/8 C Flax Meal
1/4 tsp baking powder
1 Egg
2 Tbs Butter Melted
1/2 Unsweetened Choc Baking Square
5 tsp artificial sweetener

How To Prepare:
Melt butter and chocolate to a liquid. Add the egg and beat until incorporated. Add everything else and mix throroughly.

Divide batter between two muffin cups. Bake at 350 for about 10-15 mins until fork comes out clean.

Number of Servings: 2
Appx Carbs per serving: 2.25 net carbs per cake.
Preparation Time: 20 minutes

The Sea Rages

The sea rages on, although the storm has passed.
The fish inside panic and seek shelter.
The stalwart vessels on her surface buckle against her anger.

On the shore, the waves crash against the rocks, even washing some away.
The waters carry the debris of man and beast.
The sky is dark, not daring to shine down on the violent waters below.

Man cries out.
Woman cries.
Child falls victim.
No one escapes the wrath of the sea.
A glance from the sea brings ruin.

Buffalo waves stampede, trampling mighty sailors.
There is no escape, no hiding place, only despair.
And for a time, the earth is flat.

The Rotten

Dead, dead, I am dead.


Lying cold and still.
Arms gently resting at my sides.
Hands pulled to my chest.
No thoughts, no feelings.
Just emptiness.

Waiting.
Waiting to be lowered into my pit.
Waiting for the dirt to fall upon my face.
Waiting for the dirt to cover me.
Waiting to suffocate beneath the weight of all the earth.

Then it hits.
I knew not what I waited for.
I knew not this.

I sit up, stand up, dive down.
I grasp a shovel and collapse the walls upon me.
I laugh a hideous maniac repetition.
I find joy beneath the weight of all the earth.

Then I realize my position.
I struggle.
I gasp for new air that I do not yet need.
I long for rebirth, but it is out of reach.
Instead, I panic and seek out grubs and rotten flesh.
So close to my next life, do I feast now?

I stop and look around.
The grubs already devour the flesh.
It's all rotten and full of pus.
But I do not deserve better.
I do not deserve life anew.
And I begin to wander through hidden tunnels beneath the earth.

I dismiss my death.
I dismiss my old life.
I dismiss my next life.
I loathe my purgatory.
I embrace my hell.

Death and disease are mine to command.
The rats obey my call to claw at the eyes of my persecutor.
I embrace the darkness, element of my birth, element of my life, element of my death.
There is no other constant.

Darkness, when all else is lost, I still have you.

Affirming my Path

The newest incident brings back bad memories.

I came home from vacation to find that the house wasn't taken care of while I was gone.  Without going into detail, that means my ex agreed to stop in while I was away to check on something important, but she didn't.

It was supposed to be the last time she'd ever have to do it.  She told me that she thought someone else was taking care of it because she saw someone else with house keys a few weeks ago.  Didn't bother to talk to me about it, just made a bogus assumption and left it at that.

Gross irresponsibility and indignant apathy.  Fairly common during our time together, yet I suppressed it. 

Every time I felt this way towards her, I suppressed it for the good of our relationship.  I always looked for the bright side.  Failing that, I simply ignored it and waited for the shitstorm to pass.

While I'm at it, let's paint a clearer picture.  I probably went through some of these in previous posts, but let's get it all in one place.

Here's why we are getting a divorce:

• We were both inexperienced in relationships and didn't know we weren't good for each other. 
• We were married before we knew what we needed from a long-term relationship.
• We perceived pressure to get married from family and church.
• We clung to each other and suppressed our personalities to make each other happy; instead, this led to bitterness.
• I share some traits with her father, who recently passed away; I believe these similarities confused some of her feelings.
• As we've stopped pretending, I've come to realize just how different she is from the girl I fell in love with.
• Although we're both scattered and prone to irresponsible behavior, she is unwilling to take responsibility, feel sorry, or even look at difficult emotional situations from others' perspectives.
• We were both captains.  Although we had similar goals in mind, we each had our own plan for to achieving them.  We were both too bull-headed to admit that the other's methods would work out fine.  And neither of us was willing to taking the other's ideas and carry them to fruition.

What would it have taken to make it work?

• We needed more support from people we were willing to listen to.  Friends to bitch at.  Friends to support us, shape us, and push us together.
• Big changes.  Learning to be happy with ourselves and each other.  Learning how to provide for the other's needs.
• Another ounce of attraction.
• Open, honest discussions on feelings.
• Tempering my impulsive nature while she was around.

Wife, I'm sorry it didn't work out between us.  I don't hold this incident against you.  This is just part of who we were, and now that it's over, neither of us needs to deal with it anymore.  I wish you the best.

Just go away.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QNCM8IjtQ-o