Affirming my Path

The newest incident brings back bad memories.

I came home from vacation to find that the house wasn't taken care of while I was gone.  Without going into detail, that means my ex agreed to stop in while I was away to check on something important, but she didn't.

It was supposed to be the last time she'd ever have to do it.  She told me that she thought someone else was taking care of it because she saw someone else with house keys a few weeks ago.  Didn't bother to talk to me about it, just made a bogus assumption and left it at that.

Gross irresponsibility and indignant apathy.  Fairly common during our time together, yet I suppressed it. 

Every time I felt this way towards her, I suppressed it for the good of our relationship.  I always looked for the bright side.  Failing that, I simply ignored it and waited for the shitstorm to pass.

While I'm at it, let's paint a clearer picture.  I probably went through some of these in previous posts, but let's get it all in one place.

Here's why we are getting a divorce:

• We were both inexperienced in relationships and didn't know we weren't good for each other. 
• We were married before we knew what we needed from a long-term relationship.
• We perceived pressure to get married from family and church.
• We clung to each other and suppressed our personalities to make each other happy; instead, this led to bitterness.
• I share some traits with her father, who recently passed away; I believe these similarities confused some of her feelings.
• As we've stopped pretending, I've come to realize just how different she is from the girl I fell in love with.
• Although we're both scattered and prone to irresponsible behavior, she is unwilling to take responsibility, feel sorry, or even look at difficult emotional situations from others' perspectives.
• We were both captains.  Although we had similar goals in mind, we each had our own plan for to achieving them.  We were both too bull-headed to admit that the other's methods would work out fine.  And neither of us was willing to taking the other's ideas and carry them to fruition.

What would it have taken to make it work?

• We needed more support from people we were willing to listen to.  Friends to bitch at.  Friends to support us, shape us, and push us together.
• Big changes.  Learning to be happy with ourselves and each other.  Learning how to provide for the other's needs.
• Another ounce of attraction.
• Open, honest discussions on feelings.
• Tempering my impulsive nature while she was around.

Wife, I'm sorry it didn't work out between us.  I don't hold this incident against you.  This is just part of who we were, and now that it's over, neither of us needs to deal with it anymore.  I wish you the best.

Just go away.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QNCM8IjtQ-o